The Benighted States
Welcome to the Benighted States of America.
Put up your feet, and let us take care of ya.
You’ve no need to think and no reason to work;
Your needs are provided for by some other jerk.
There’s enough to go ‘round, assuming we fudge it.
We work on the concept of short-sighted budgets.
You want welfare? We got it. That’s what taxes should do.
Unless you make money — it’s others first and then you.
Sacrifices are crucial, but only for some.
Payday comes first to the poor, useless, and dumb.
If that’s not your thing, we’ve got choices for miles:
The one other option is just over the aisle.
Drastically different — true opposites in fact, –
These guys will control you with a much different tact.
Come see the view from this side of the border.
Here we worship guns, Christ, and wealth (in that order).
Keep your own money, it’s all yours to control;
All that we ask for is your body and soul.
We keep government small and stay out of your way
unless you’re pregnant, non-christian, foreign, or gay.
We’re righteous, we’re pious, we know what is best:
Work hard in this lifetime; your reward’s in the next.
It’s time now to make this important decision:
Whose sect to select? Which side will you sit in?
We expect loyalty, with no deviation
Irregardless of issue or situation.
And if you hear mention of a third-party choice,
Know that they’re crackpots and don’t waste your voice.
They’re a lost cause that can never advance
Because you’ll never ever give them a chance.
You’re a citizen now of the U.S. of A.,
So raise your right hand and say as I say:
“We hold these truths to be self-evident:
That all men are created to be subservient;
That they are endowed by their creator
With congenital right to elect their dictator;
That to secure their income and their thoughts,
Governments are instituted and then bought;
That when the state becomes destructive of ends,
That direction was chosen by its citizens.
God bless America.”
